Elliott Polland is a New York divorce lawyer with over 50 years of experience in the field, during which he realized that he can save or destroy a relationship. In this article, Polland tells about the biggest mistakes couples make and offers the best advice that will teach us how to strengthen a relationship.
1. Set the limits of communication with parents and relatives
Although your family’s opinion may be helpful in evaluating your partner objectively, you should be careful not to go too far. “There are many times where I’ve had clients coming in and saying that their in-laws have destroyed their marriage,” says Polland. This is especially true when it comes to confessions, principles or morals.
One should be especially careful when it comes to children’s education. Choosing the type of education and other similar issues should always be your choice, and not that of the extended family.
2. Maintain the sensitivity in your relationship
This is not only about physical sensitivity, especially in relationships between older couples. Embracing each other when you sit together on the couch, for example, helps maintain both your physical and emotional intimacy, which is crucial in a healthy relationship.
3. Track the family budget
Financial problems and debts are one of the major reasons for divorce.
“If somebody claims that they came into the marriage with X dollars and tries to claim that that was their separate property if there were a divorce, if they didn’t maintain those old records, they would have virtually an impossible task in proving that this was their pre-marital fund,” he said.
4. Find someone with whom you have much in common
“Although opposites may attract, I think the bottom line is that the more you have in common with your spouse, the easier it is to maintain that relationship because there’s less likelihood of disagreement and argument going forward,” says Polland.
He refers in particular to issues of religion, beliefs and principles. It is much easier to educate children based on a common morality than two individual visions, which would make children confused and undecided.