Every romance, relationship and marriage may undergo hard times, when every interaction seems to be full of pitfalls. However, if you pay attention to only four important things, you can deal with most difficulties that may occur.
Give to each other
Every relationship works when it adds joy, happiness, and positive experiences to the lives of both parties. Forget about the misconception that a relationship is a give-and-take game that has always to be “fair” and “balanced”.
The point is to feel that it is better if you are together than if you are alone. In the contribution to each other’s happiness, the ability to receive is at least as important as to give. If someone keeps just giving but is unable to accept tokens of love, the balance of the relationship will be upset, and the ending may be sad and disappointing for both parties.
Show your true self
It is an eternal question how we dare to be ourselves in a relationship. Ideally, there is no need for role-playing and to wear masks to suit our partner. If we find it difficult to show who we are, this may be detrimental to the relationship.
It is important to have no expectations and not to feel obligated to comply at all costs, and to feel that we can make free choices both in our own lives and in our lives together. Commitment can be difficult for most people because they experience it as a restriction on freedom.
Some end up thinking that if they are committed, they need to give up their freedom and their free choices, even though the success of a relationship is not about constant sacrifice. If we saw in our childhood that our father or mother was the one who always yielded to the other, chances are we unconsciously will do everything we can to prevent this from happening in our adult lives.
Similar values
Is it crucial to have similar interests? Not necessarily. Rather, the question is how much we allow the other to find joy in their own area of interest. The mistake usually occurs when we force our own favorite pastime on our partner at all costs, thereby involuntarily putting pressure on them.
Two reactions can be the result: the other one either struggles to meet our expectations and thereby gives up themselves, or resists, which can turn into dissatisfaction and quarrels over time. Having the same interests is much less important than having a similar set of values. This gives more freedom to both parties in the relationship, while the fundamental thinking is the same.
It is important that there is no judgment regarding values: the mere fact that something is important to someone and insignificant to is neither good nor bad. It is difficult to live with someone who does not value what we consider to be valuable.
Positive attitude to changes
Some people find it difficult to accept change, they see security in permanence. Our circumstances and ourselves are constantly changing, so clinging to permanence is a simple illusion.
By clinging to something from the past, we kill the dynamics of our relationship and the opportunity for something much more wonderful to happen in it than we previously imagined. Be open to change and ask the question: how could your relationship change in a way that is best for both of us?