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Tuesday, December 5, 2023

“My wife named our son after her first boyfriend and hid the truth for 5 years”

A devastated father has chosen Reddit to seek support after discovering his wife named their son after her high school boyfriend who she admitted she is still in love with.

A father has been left heartbroken when he found out that his wife secretly named their son after her first love – and chose not to tell her husband for five years. Now the man claims he can no longer look at his wife the same way – and he fears that their marriage is over.

He explained to Reddit how he never asked his wife what her ex-boyfriend was called because he wasn’t interested.

He wrote, “About two days ago we were out shopping and ran into a high school friend of hers [whom] she was catching up [with] when she told her friend that we had a son.

“When the old friend asked his name, my wife hesitated and I told her. She had a strange look on her face and then said ‘You mean like your ex-boyfriend?’”

The man didn’t reveal his son’s name on Reddit, but he described it as “very unique to the point that I’ve never met another person with the same name”.

Since his wife admitted this, their relationship has deteriorated, and he admits feeling ‘betrayed’. He wrote, “She refuses to talk to me about it. I feel betrayed and disgusted with her. It’s like a switch was flipped in my mind and I just can’t look at her the same way.”

He says that his wife dated her high school boyfriend for two years before meeting him.

“When we were deciding on the name she said she remembered somebody from school who had it and instantly loved it,” he explained.

“My wife and I both had a very promiscuous past before we met and agreed that the past should stay there so I didn’t push too hard to know certain details.

“I knew she had one boyfriend in high school who cheated on her but I never asked his name and that is my fault.”

After she spent a week avoiding to talk about this issue, the man confronted her about it while their son was away at a sleepover.

He said, “I asked her why she wouldn’t tell me where his name came from. She said she was sorry but she didn’t think it was that big of a deal and I wouldn’t have agreed to it. I told her that it was my choice too and she took that away from me.”

He asked her how she would feel if he had named their daughter after an ex-girlfriend, but his wife answered, “that’s different as it wouldn’t happen”.

“She said that she knows she can disconnect the name from her ex but she wouldn’t be sure I could do the same,” he added.

“I was floored and starting to feel sicker than I had felt. I told her that is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard come out of someone’s mouth.”

Wanting to get to the root of the issue, he asked her whether she still loves her high school sweetheart.

Much to his surprise, she answered “Yes”.

He said, “I wanted to throw up at this point. She could see that I was very upset. She smiled at me and said I should know she only wants to be with me. I said that I needed to know how you love him.

“At that point she put her hand on my leg and tried to change the subject. I told her to take her hand off me right now and answer the question.

“Her mood changed right there from wanting to move past this to ‘No he didn’t just swear at me’. She said, ‘Look you’re upset and I get that but what is done is done so you need to get over this and move on’.

“She got up and said ‘I’m meeting my mum for dinner; I’ll see you when you get home’. I told her ‘If you walk out that door then no you won’t.’

“She looked at me like I talked nonsense, grabbed her purse and left. I packed my bag and stayed at a friend’s house last night.”

Since he is unsure whether he can get over what he considers as a betrayal, the man says that now he has second thoughts about his marriage.

Commenting on this situation, another father said: “I would draw a red line in terms of discussing this. Your wife will need to discuss this matter, and in my mind, she will need to accept that it is an issue, and understand why.

“This may take a long time. To achieve it, you will need to be strong, and not bend here and there with the moods of the relationship.

“In my opinion, until you achieve understanding and clarity on this issue between you both, you cannot move forward. So you will need to be the one to shoulder this and insist that it is done in an adult and straightforward matter.

“You must swallow it when it comes to your son. Regardless of what happens, it is not the boy’s fault.

“I know you know this, but you should meditate on it a bit and really let it sink in that a boy needs his father, and that nothing has come between you and him.

“If I were you, my top priority would be to secure that relationship regardless of whatever else happens.”

Another user commented, “I’m a father as well, and I’d just like to echo the point about securing a healthy relationship with your son while you can. This was absolutely not his fault, and if anything it should be you and him vs her if we’re taking sides.

“Your boy will need you more than anything, especially if you end up splitting up over this. I don’t know anything about your wife, but ensuring that your son loves you and wants you in his life will be paramount if you end up having to fight over custody.”

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