There may be several, often unnoticed habits that keep you from healing after a breakup. Don’t let these obstacles get in the way of your healing.
We all know how heartbreaking breakups can be. They hurt tremendously and leave deep wounds in your soul. The way the healing process occurs is crucial, and it takes different lengths of time for different people. Unfortunately, many of us find it hard to understand how to cope with a break-up in a healthy way, and that is understandable.
A breakup is so difficult that it is absurd to expect one to think rationally for a while after it. However, some things are clear obstacles in our healing process – they become mistakes we make over and over again when trying to heal, and we need to learn to avoid them so that we can more easily and quickly move past all the pain and start a new chapter of our lives.
Here are those ingrained habits that keep you from healing after a breakup. Don’t let these obstacles get in the way of your healing!
1. Not setting boundaries for yourself
A vital part of dealing with a breakup is determining what your needs are. Some people need friends, others want some time alone.
Psychologists recommend that while you’re going through the healing process, you don’t try to contact your ex. This could be unhealthy for both of you because by going through the denial phases, you may end up trying to convince your former flame to come back to you. Through this process you are not only disrespecting their needs and decisions, you are also making it harder for yourself to heal.
That’s why you need to set strict boundaries for yourself and, for your own sake, do your best to stick to these.
2. You want to get into another relationship too quickly
After a breakup (especially if it was a long-term relationship), people find themselves in unfamiliar territory – they suddenly become single again and have to reconfigure their lives.
It’s hard work to learn to be single again, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
Don’t try to get into another relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone – because that will distract you from your true feelings, fill your time and mind with new emotions, making it impossible for you to process what you’ve been through, and truly heal as a result of the process.
By hiding your true pain, you are only running away from it – but it will keep growing and eventually overwhelm you. The more you try to isolate yourself from your true feelings, the harder it will be to heal.
A breakup means losing a part of your life – so you should give yourself permission to be sad and hurt.
3. You compare your experience to others’
When people go through something traumatic, they tend to mimic what they’ve seen other people do in similar experiences. Relationships are different, people are different. So, stop comparing, and try to figure out what is best for you.
Some people blame themselves if they process things differently from others. If they don’t heal after a few months, they may end up thinking that there is something wrong with them: “It’s been a year already, I should be fine. What’s wrong with me?”. But healing is different from person to person. If you keep comparing yourself to other people, you will adopt behaviors that are not suited to your needs.
Give yourself time to heal and, most importantly, enter the healing process without looking left and right. Don’t take inspiration from anyone, don’t compare yourself to anyone. Heal yourself as you feel is best for you.
4. You feel you didn’t get the ending you deserved
You’re looking for answers to questions and you’re disappointed because you didn’t get the ending you deserved. But you don’t have to dwell on what happened or have expectations of the person who hurt you. You need to understand that it’s over, accept it and move on with your life.
If your life depends on an answer or a reason, you may never get those things. There is nothing your ex-partner can do or say to help you move on immediately.
Find it in your heart to stop caring about what happened so you can move on with your life on your own. A new chapter awaits you, prepare for it.